Last Updated on September 19, 2021 by scottkandh
This blog post is a continuation – Part 4 – Talking About Anxiety of the blog series about Anxiety. Many thanks to Jenny from Jenny’s Life Logic – Personal development for women with low self-esteem and social anxiety – who helped me to organize and created the outline for this blog post. Without her help I would have been unable to write this post.
Part 1 – 3 Things to Remember When You Are Anxious
Part 2 – Understanding Anxiety Disorders
Part 3 – Understanding Panic Attacks
Part 4 – Talking About Anxiety (this post)
Part 5 – The Ultimate Guide to Living (Well) With Anxiety
Part 6 – For the Christian With Anxiety
Part 7 – Anxiety and Diet
Part 8 – Natural Supplements for Anxiety
Part 9 – What can Exercise do for Anxiety
Part 10 – Diabetes and Anxiety
When you realize that mental health problems affect your friends, neighbours, children and spouses, the walls of judgement and prejudice around these issues begin to fall. And we all know that you cannot resolve a mental health issue by staying silent.
“Heads Together“
Table of Contents
National Movement to talk about your Mental Health
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, by now you’ve seen the interview between Harry, Meghan, and Oprah discussing their feelings about why they split from royalty.
There’s been a stigma associated with mental health and they’ve created a movement to start talking openly about it which is backed by Harry, William, and Lady Gaga.
Now, as a result of their interview it’s created a ten (10) part film series called Heads Together which is a mental health campaign. The series will have several people talking about a myriad of topics that include:
- Anxiety
- Alcoholism
- Depression
- Loneliness
- Trauma and
- Bereavement
Why you might be reluctant to talk about your Mental Health
Below are just as few of the feelings that might often be present if you think about discussing your mental health:
- Embarrassed – people won’t understand, they’ll be disappointed, fear that saying it out loud makes it real
- Fear – that if you tell them they will expect you to get help (am I ready for that?)
- Don’t want to worry them – feel like a burden, scared of vulnerability, fear of judgement (is this realistic?)
- In denial – fear of stigma/being labelled, can’t find the words to express themselves /you don’t fully understand yourself
- Self-awareness – Feeling like you should be able to manage it yourself. Feel broken/’abnormal.
The timing of this post couldn’t have come at a better time to help keep my angst in check. I say that because the reality is that there’s a wild fire called the Hazard Hill fire in our immediate vicinity (less than 3 – 4 miles away). There’s a good possibility that we might have to evacuate our house at a moment’s notice.
Talking about your worst case scenario – I don’t even want to think about it. But in light of the title of this post it’s right and just for me to mention that I’m afraid that there’s a possibility of an evacuation in the next few days if the fire doesn’t get contained. My worst fear is that the fire would decimate our house. Fortunately, with insurance that can be replaced and although it would be hard if it happened my wife and I would be able to manage getting past that point.
It may not be easy and it could be very difficult to express (my own mental health) because of the symptoms associated with anxiety. I’ve got Generalized Anxiety Disorder (abbreviated as GAD).
GAD is characterized as: “Persistent and excessive worry about a number of different things. People with GAD may anticipate disaster and may be overly concerned about money, health, family, work, or other issues. Individuals with GAD find it difficult to control their worry. They may worry more than seems warranted about actual events or may expect the worst even when there is no apparent reason for concern.
GAD is diagnosed when a person finds it difficult to control worry on more days than not for at least six months and has three or more symptoms. This differentiates GAD from worry that may be specific to a set stressor or for a more limited period of time. GAD affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1% of the U.S. population, in any given year.” – ADAA (Anxiety & Depression Association of America)
Why it’s beneficial
It’s important to know your why in everything you do. This gives you the motivation to act. Why do you want or why do you need to talk about your anxiety? Why is it important to you?
The benefits of talking about it are extremely beneficial
- Friends/family know how to support you/they don’t get upset when you cancel plans etc.
- No more fear of being ‘found out’.
- Better understanding of mental health/decreased stigma.
- Loved ones can help you view things from a different perspective – aha moments.
- A problem shared is a problem halved.
- Talking about it makes you feel less alone.
- You might find that others are/or have struggled too and that they have techniques that will help you.
- Sharing can help others feel less alone.
- Here’s one of the strongest beneficial things from discussing your mental health. When you stop fighting it and start acknowledging it anxiety starts to lose its power over you. Increases your own knowledge of the condition.
See how Jenny, the collaborator for this post talks about anxiety on her post: Defining social anxiety: You are not ‘just shy’
What to expect
The reactions/emotions from your loved ones may be that they get upset and/or angry. The thing to remember is that it’s not reflection on you or your anxiety, but on their love for you. It is frustration that they can’t take it away and anger that they don’t know how to help. Think about how you can help them to help you. Explain some of the items below to them to help start steering the conversation.
How to start the conversation
- Take time to understand your triggers and tell them where your anxiety comes from
- Consider writing your thoughts in a journal if speaking about it is too hard
- Show loved ones videos or blog posts that explain how you feel if it’s difficult to find the words.
- Consider timing – ensure you and your loved one are feeling relaxed and that there will be no interruptions.
Have examples to help them understand
- Tell them ways that they can help
- Give them time to reflect
- If a talking to a loved one feels too close to home/difficult consider a therapist/helpline or social media peer support group such as Home – Time to Talk Mental Health UK
Trying to explain “my” Anxiety
Fortunately, I’m married and I can turn to my wife when I have a panic attack to put things into proper perspective. A lot of us have Anxiety and for people that have Anxiety it can often be very difficult to talk about. For example, in the midst of writing this blog post I find myself fretting because it’s not something that I normally feeling comfortable talking about. However, what I have noticed is that since writing this blogging series that focuses on learning about Anxiety I’m getting past the point where I’m getting more comfortable with Trigger items that normally would have pointed me in the direction of having to worry about one thing or another.
One of the hardest things to overcome with anxiety is distinguishing the difference between reality and perception which I mentioned earlier in one of the other parts. Because sometimes with anxiety you can get so caught up in worrying that you’re fearing the worse and as my wife has pointed out to me it’s time to Shoot the Squirrel. It’s a phrase between my wife and I that if she says: “Shoot the Squirrel”
Shoot the Squirrel is a sign to me that I’m overthinking (one of the bad things that is associated with GAD). The best way to describe the Shoot the Squirrel analogy is to imagine that hamster that’s in a wheel and it’s going and going and never stops. Imagining that squirrel that’s spinning his wheels helps to remind me that is what I’m doing and usually ends up with me to forget about my worry.
One of my favorite movies is Guardian’s of the Galaxy. But there’s one scene toward the end of the movie that I had a panic attack watching the movie in the theater the first time and thinking that the main character was going to die. I almost got to the point that I wanted to get up and leave the theater. That scene doesn’t bother me anymore but it certainly did at that time.
Anxiety is unrealistic but it can feel realistic!
“You are bigger than your anxiety (or depression), you alone are capable of making changes. No one else can make it go away, except you. Make changes, not excuses. Or you can choose to live in your anxiety. And don’t be surprised when people get tired of listening to you, tired of reaching out to you, tired of your anxiety. Don’t be surprised when the more you withdraw, the darker it gets in your world.”
I know this better than most people because once upon a time I was in a very dark place and slowly withdrawing.
I retired from the United States Air Force back in 2004. I was in a lot of chronic pain (because of a bone in my neck that was pressing on my nerves). That chronic pain along with the medications I was taking was causing me to retreat into a dark place. Fortunately for me, my wife recognized there was a problem and I sought counseling and got back on the right track along with corrective surgery. I owe a great amount of gratitude to my Wife and Counselor to restore my self-confidence. At one point it had gotten so bad that I was afraid to shake hands (and I’ve always put a lot of effort into ensuring that I have a good strong handshake).
In Conclusion
Remember if you don’t take action, you’re choosing your current reality. Never underestimate how much your bravery could influence others. Please let me know your thoughts.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Part 1 – 3 Things to Remember When You Are Anxious
Part 2 – Understanding Anxiety Disorders
Part 3 – Understanding Panic Attacks
Part 4 – Talking About Anxiety
Part 5 – The Ultimate Guide to Living (Well) With Anxiety
Part 6 – For the Christian With Anxiety
Part 7 – Anxiety and Diet
Part 8 – Natural Supplements for Anxiety
Part 9 – What can Exercise do for Anxiety
Part 10 – Diabetes and Anxiety
If you want to learn more about anxiety (other than the posts that are listed below), I highly recommend a post called Loving someone with anxiety – what to know.
Other recommended sources for Anxiety
https://www.myteam.org/anxiety
What’s Normal? And What’s Not?・Do You Have Anxiety?
5 Signs You Should Talk With Your Doctor About Anxiety …
How to Really Talk About Anxiety, According to Experts …
1 Comment
Leave your reply.